About

I am a 23 year old girl in love with and living with a guy with an eating disorder. I have searched the web for advice on how to support him, looked for other people who are in my situation who have stories of hope to tell, and i haven’t come across any yet (if you know of any let me know). All the sites are either too general or geared towards men supporting women, parents supporting children, partners of very severe hospitalised people or couples who have been married for years. I hope that this blog can be for someone else what i was looking for myself.
TB (The boy) and i have been together for 5 years, we have known about his eating disorder (orthorexia and compulsive exercising) for the past 4 and have been seeking help for the past 2. I should say that we are currently still a long way down the road from recovery, he is still searching for the right person/people/team to help him. Thankfully he has never been so low that he has required hospitalisation (yet), but i do believe that we are on the road.
 I am not an expert and i can only speak from my experiences. I don’t want this blog to be about TB, although i will share some of our story along the way, i want to share some of my experiences as a girlfriend of someone with an eating disorder.
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6 thoughts on “About

  1. There is more so much stigma centred around eating disorders as it is, but males with Ed’s tend to be kept hushed in society. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to find information and support. As a girl who suffers from ed, if you ever need some advice ect, please feel free to contact me. You are amazing to stick by him, when you have an ed you very quickly find out who your real friends are.

  2. Hey, I am writing a piece about how eating disorders affect men as I have found that it is rarely ever written about. After reading your blog – it’s the first like it I have found and I have been searching the internet for days – I was wondering if I could interview you for my college piece?

    • Hello,

      Sorry for the late reply, it seems since TB has been discharged and fairly eating disorder free I have neglected this blog. I always said I wanted it to be about helping people though, so I would be happy to answer some questions for you, so long as it is kept anonymous?

  3. I am so glad I found your post. I thought I was the only one going through this. Do you have any advice for me (being the girlfriend of someone currently suffering with orthorexia). I just feel like its getting really tuff right now and I don’t know if I can keep going.We don’t go anywhere anymore because of his fear of eating unhealthy and its really putting a strain on me. I’m glad TB is better now. I hope my guy will some day get there.

    • Hi there 🙂 Thanks for your comment, I’m so sorry to hear that your going through a tough time at the moment, and I hope they start to improve soon-the waiting game is rubbish, it took over 3 years for TB to accept he had a problem. A while ago someone asked me for some advice and TB and I came up with some together, I’ve copied it below and I hope it helps 🙂
      Along with that I would add this for yourself… Take some time to do things for yourself (exercise, wine, walks, see friends, etc.- remember you need to look after yourself as well) and the shower is a great place to cry and release your tension when you don’t want your boyfriend to see! And these for non-eating activities…walks (they could be epic but they could just be strolls around the park!) Cinema (pretty self explanatory, take snacks/drink so there’s no pressure of the food counter), I’m not sure of your hobbies, but start an activity together (African drumming workshops?!) theatre, plays, swimming, beach, day trips (again take lunch, so that there’s no stress of trying to find somewhere)

      Here’s mine and TB’s advice:
      -Avoid speaking in anger about it as much as you can, if you want to bring it up when angry take a few minutes/hours to collect your thoughts and then when you’ve calmed down try and talk it through. (I’m not saying we didn’t have angry conversations-we did. They just weren’t ever productive)
      -Don’t talk things through just before/during/just after meal times, these can be the most stressful times for someone with an eating disorder and it will only add to their stress plus they will become ultra defensive!
      -Neutral territory is a great place to bring it up-we spent a lot of time on long walks, sitting in parks, sat on beaches-its also away from all the stresses of food.
      -When you do have a talk be clear that you think that it is a ‘problem’, you support a healthy lifestyle but there becomes a point where its too far and you think he’s reached it.
      -I went to see our Gp by myself at first, yes it was a little like sneaking behind his back, but it did mean’t that i was clued up and prepared, I knew what help was available and had a few answers to give him. (warning, going to my GP was a super risky thing to do, i would more advise doing some general research as that would be really helpful)
      -It can take a very long time for acceptance, sewing the seed is really hard and it can feel like forever (around 2 years for us) but always when you talk about it let them know that you will support him in this and you love him.
      -Be prepared for a whole host of horrid emotions coming from him, but remember that it is not him they are coming from, it is the eating disorder and the fact that you stay around and are still supportive will show him that you really care and also mean business.
      -Don’t be afraid to let him know how it is affecting you and your relationship, i used to let TB know how much i missed our wine nights, and it wasn’t normal that he couldn’t have a night off.

      I hope some of this helps-keep in touch 🙂

      Anne x

    • Also I should add-you boyfriend is incredibly lucky, to find this blog (which I’m sure is well hidden in the search engine results!) you obviously care a lot about him and your relationship- and that will get you guys far. x

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