So this week TB and i are going to visit his treatment clinic together, he has a kind of progress assessment to look at how it is all going, see what the next steps are and how many more sessions etc he will have. I honestly cannot believe that it has been this long already, having spent months and years praying for this to start, the fact that we are five months in seems incredible.
So far i think, so good, I don’t think that i could have asked for any more effort on TB’s part with engaging in and persevering with the treatment. It has been incredible to watch him grow in confidence, he is a much nicer person to live with and in general our lives feel much lighter. It has also been wonderful knowing that i don’t have to have all the answers anymore, i no longer have to worry if my advice is correct or if i am pushing too far, i take my lead off the professionals who he is seeing and who he has been able to offload on twice a week. So as i said, so far so good.
TB and i celebrated five years of being together with a visit to Scotland earlier this month, this was true progress, it would never of happened before now, and if it had it would have been a real struggle, it was wonderful. We spent a day at the beach (i love beaches on cold winters day) and i felt the happiest i have felt in a very long time about us.
I am still scared though, I know that i have been incredibly lucky so far, and i am worried that it has been too easy. I had a real crashing down to earth moment the other weekend when having worked all weekend, TB came home and broke down for a few hours, it had all gotten too much for him, and he has completely had enough, his injury is still taking a long time to heal, work was particularly difficult, and whilst these aren’t the eating problem itself they are so wrapped up together its very hard to separate life stresses and the effect on eating. It was a horrible moment for the both of us, but i am so proud of him. I believe that at your weakest point, the strongest thing you can do is to admit your weaknesses and ask for help, and thats what he did.
So the assessment/catch up is this week and i know its a time to talk about how TB is doing but i almost want to barge in there with a gazillon questions of my own, i think the plan after this is to drop down the amount of therapy he recieves a week, but that terrifies me-will this cause relapses? we’ve come so far but surely there is more to go, how do you truely know when he is ready? i know its expensive therapy and the idea is to wean off it, but what if he does relapse? what if he comes to me with questions and i cant remember what or how to answer, what if its a really tough week and i don’t know how to help? sooo many questions. I think i would like to go to a few of his sessions, so that i can meet his therapists and hopefully they can help me to learn how to help. TB has said i can meet his body image therapist this week so hopefully my questions can start there.
After these past few months i am truly excited for our future together i just hope that this journey we are on keeps heading in the right direction.