Cake, climbing and confusion

I came across this article today, parts of it resonate well with TB. Its crazy what society has put on us all, even I had a panic today when i baked a chocolate cake and licked the spoon (I ALWAYS lick the spoon) felt guilty an thought that after such a busy week of eating and drinking for a conference last week i really shouldn’t have. Then the more rational parts of my brain kick in and tell me i’m being stupid. I sometimes wonder if i have had these thoughts more since being with TB and the eating disorder-or maybe i’ve gone the other way? perhaps i force to do these things more so that i know that i am in control-who knows?!

Food and climbing was always the side that made me want to keep my distance from it previously. I am a typical girl and like i mentioned above, i do sometimes worry about my weight and what i have eaten, but i am perfectly healthy and whilst i fluctuate a bit i am pretty much bang on for my height 🙂 Seeing how TB used to eat around climbing made me scared of it-TB isn’t the only person in my life with an eating disorder and i’ve seen too many people i love become consumed by them. It made me scared that you couldn’t be climber without controlling food, continually thinking about strength to weight ratios-and maybe you can’t, i don’t know enough about it. We have friends who climb who i see similar patterns in-of course they’re in good shape because they train regularly, but i hear about how they eat when in ‘hard training’ and it terrifies me. I’m sure there must be this whole world of food issues within the climbing world-and i am sure i am just scratching the surface.

I have started climbing more recently and i do enjoy it, i know that if i wanted to climb really hard i am sure i would have to lose more weight-or would i lose more weight in the aim of climbing hard? again i’m not too sure. As it goes at the minute i never let myself feel guilty about that chocolate bar/piece of cake when i know that i am climbing-in fact i ensure i get it-what better way to celebrate a good session!

lots of confused thoughts at the minute, i have the evening to myself so got a chance to relax and recuperate me-so i’m going to do something i love the most-sewing 🙂

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