My support network began with my mum, she was the first person to speak to me about TB’s eating habits, it was probably her mothers intuition but she did this at a time when i was just beginning to consider it myself. When she first mentioned it, i was scared and i dont think i wanted to admit that there could really be a problem, plus TB kept talking about strength to weight ratios for climbing and i used to just say that it was common for climbers to eat like he did (theres a whole other post in itself)
Throughout all of this my mum has truly been there for me, thats not to say that its been easy, its definitely not been the case of lots of supportive ‘tell me all about it and i’ll just sit here, listen, not give my opinion and give you a hug’ conversations. My mums support has been tough, its been probing, its been difficult, its made me shout, cry, get angry, i’ve contemplated not talking to her about it ever again, and yet somehow she has persisted. My mums support comes because she loves us, she is scared for us and she has always been the sort of woman who believes that if you have something to say you should say it.
I think TB would agree with me if i were to say that without my mums support i wouldn’t like to think where we would be now, mum ensured that we didn’t get complacent and stopped us from normalising TB’s behaviours. Mum used to say things that at the time i was so cross at her for, i felt like she was judging us, but the things she would say would get under my skin, and inevitably would lead to a conversation which moved us in the right direction towards recovery.
I can write this here, but i know that i still get so defensive on the phone when she rings and we move onto the conversation of TB’s eating-its almost become standard, mum brings something up, i get defensive, we discuss it for a while and then i see that actually she has a point (There is almost always tears on my end)
My greatest fear is that my parents will think that i should no longer be with TB, i am pretty sure this is a fear i have created and that they have never actually said anything to make me think this. I know that they love him and are concerned for him too.
What i am trying to say i think is that within your support network, don’t shut out the person who makes it all a bit too real and difficult. i used to go for months without talking to my parents about it because i was terrified that they would judge our relationship, and then when we finally did talk it would be painful on all sides. My mum loves us both, but i am her little girl and both my parents main concern is me, i have to keep remembering that even when i want to shout and scream and ignore all advice no matter how useful they are giving.